Cherry, Cherry // Neil Diamond

Today was a trip to Kooks in Richmond for some necessary cupcake supplies. I have a large batch to make for the end of February, and as I have never made cupcakes before some practice runs would be wise.

Any trip to Richmond isn't complete without a trip to William Curley (I take no responsibility in the case of you looking at the online Boutique and spending a lot of money).
This shop is my heaven. I think that while I worked there I sampled everything that they made, and loved everything.
When I left I knew that I'd make an honest attempt at being their best customer. I've let myself down a little, as I have reverted back to my old ways of eating cheap chocolate, but if I had the money I'd know that William Curley chocolate would be all I ate.

I was pleased to see the one of the lovely chefs I had the pleasure of working with, and perhaps a little bit more pleased to see a new item of patisserie in the cabinet.
I was told that it was a cherry and praline entremet, and had been designed especially for an upcoming competition. Handily there were five, and we were en route to a lunch where there would be five of us.
So I excitedly snapped them up, along with a sea salted caramel bar and a white chocolate and raspberry bar, my Mum's favourite.

The entremets were dark chocolate mousse, cherry compote with a feuillatine and praline biscuit and a chocolate sponge, all finished with a perfect dark chocolate glaze,dark chocolate discs and a boozy griottine cherry, with a flake of real gold, just to remind you how decadent what you're about to eat is.


The balance of mousse and compote was perfect, though I wouldn't expect anything less really.. the praline biscuit was a perfect crisp contrast to the soft mousse and ugh it was just heaven.
Everyone agreed, and there were squabbles as we tried to steal each others.
OK, I admit that it was only me trying to steal Jonny's.

My only complaint about these divine desserts is that they were too small. They are slightly smaller than the normal portion size, but the price reflects that.
All the entremets are fantastically good value for money in fact, the amount of layers that each one has, and the time put into them to make them just right, the quality of the ingredients used.. you see I'm swooning just thinking about them.

I think these cherry ones are a guaranteed competition winner, and I hope that they make regular appearances in the patisserie cabinet. Though even if you can't get your hands on one of these all of the others are equally as delicious.

I think there are going to be a lot more posts on the shop that houses Britain's best chocolates...

Hollaback Girl // Gwen Stefani

A long week was rounded up by a delve round the bakeware section of TK-Maxx, with the lovely Becci.
We found a lot of great stuff, including a black le creuset tea pot! £10! It's beautiful and Becci snapped it up so I'll be round to hers for tea soon. I saw a lot of stuff that I would like, but resisted everything apart from four mini loaf tins.
Cakes are good, but tiny cakes are excellent. I don't know why.


And when you have new loaf tins, there is only one thing you should christen them with.

Banana Bread!

We used How to be a Domestic Goddess, by Nigella Lawson, for the recipe.
We didn't change anything, other than soaking the finished loaves in a bit of rum and glazing them. Oh and I put a split in the cake half way through cooking, which is an old William Curley habit. Jonny thinks it was unnecessary. I don't.


The bananas were not ripe as the recipe states, as it was a spontaneous decision to make it today and we had none in stock. I just made sure that they had a proper good mash before going in.



The cakes have turned out beautifully. Moist and moreish. I'm not allowed to eat anymore though until I've had some lunch.


The only problem I had was that we cooked 1 recipes worth, but took quite a lot out of the large cake in order to make the small ones. This means that the big cake is wide and a bit flat, even though it has risen and definately did not sink when cooling.

Break Stuff // Limp Bizkit

Warning: This post contains irrational biscuit anger.

I had a scummy, lazy lunch of crisps and coca cola. I knew this would not sustain me through my boring afternoon, so purchased a packet of fruit shortcake biscuits.

Now. I intended to leave them in my bag until I needed them, but knowing they were there was too much and I opened them after being back at work for about ten minutes.

Oh God I'm going to sound like my Dad, but the sodding packet seal thing. Marrrgh.
They may as well put it half way down the pack.
It is in fact seven biscuits down.

This means that I might now have to eat eight biscuits in order to be able to shut the packet.
I may not want to eat eight biscuits! Think of the people who can't eat eight biscuits!
And then think of the people like me, who possess no will power, and will have to eat not just the necessary eight biscuits, but the whole pack.
Now. If I put this into a formal letter to McVities, will they send me many free packs of fruit shortcake? I have taken a picture as proof, and I am considering weighing myself before and after eating the biscuits and documenting this as further evidence.

All in all, this has given me an excuse to rant, hence blog title of my current favourite angry song,conveniently biscuit related.

So come and get it.

Spit It Out // Slipknot

I take back anything good I may have said about Candy Cakes, and remove any chances I might have given them.
I had a moment of weakness when all I needed was cakey stodge. A nice muffin, a nice blueberry cheesecake muffin.
They didn't have one, but the man serving, still a bit bumbling and rubbish, pointed me in the direction of a raspberry and apple one.
They didn't have much variety, so I plumped for that one.

I can see now why I was pointed towards that one, it obviously needed selling, though why anyone would let produce like that be sold lord only knows.
It was heavy and solid and had none of the soft crumb that the blueberry cheesecake did. It was completely off and flavourless.
I suppose it would have been hard to tell, due to the obscene amount of icing on top, which had leached through to the top of the muffin, making it the best bit as it was slightly moist and edible, but I dread to think how long the cake had sat in that shop, and how many others were in a similar state.

They did have more stock, but that seemed to have replaced the variety of muffins, and it included macarons. Ugh. I can't even be bothered to write about the vanilla one I bought. They weren't interesting and they weren't amazing.

Hopefully the residents of Kingston will learn how lazy this shop is, and it will fail in a small amount of time. However the general appeal of brightly coloured humungous cakes might be too much for some people to resist.

Ice Ice Baby // Vanilla Ice

Hope everyone is enjoying the cold snap we're having.

I'm feeling cold and slow but generally content. I went clubbing last night and it was brilliant. Lots of lovely people and good music. I failed in my objective to not drink. The medication I'm on forbids alcohol, but after some experiments I know that I can drink a little, be fine whilst merry and then put up with a massive hangover the next day.

Which is what I'm doing now.

I met with J and he popped to the shop to buy sausages and I popped to Paul to buy macarons. I'm quite obsessed by them, having been introduced to them by the lovely chefs at William Curley. I plan to get my hands on some of their macarons as soon as I can. Until then, I'm forced to go to Paul when I need my fix.
I usually get the vanilla, as find the praline ones a bit boring, and it's too cold for chocolate as the ganache goes unpleasantly hard.



I love the almond biscuit, and I am always envious of the perfect shell and feet, and the gooey middle that merges delightfully with the vanilla buttercream.
They're a simple pleasure, and while eating I try to forget the fact that they are made in a large factory and shipped out.. there is nothing on the website that refers to how and where the food is made, which seems to be a common factor with these chains.
It does get to me that the staff are dressed like chefs, I don't think it is necessary, and it also tricks people into believing the quality of the food is higher than it actually is.


The presentation annoys me too. Some of the cakes they put out to sell are sub-standard and look messy.
For now it is a necessary evil, I'm just waiting for someone to open a patisserie, or even a macaron shop next door to my work. There are shops for sale and I can guarantee good business.

If you're interested in furthering your own love of macarons, I highly recommend the blog Mactweets, it's complete macaron porn. It explains macaron terms like feet and shell and is packed with fantastic ideas and gorgeous photos.

Turning Japanese // The Vapors

My cake playlist seems to be getting less and less about cake and more about tenuous links.

Anyway, apologies for being away so long, was concentrating on enjoying christmas and new year. All very successful and lovely in the end.

Yesterday was a much deserved trip for afternoon tea with two girlfriends.
We were heading to Yumchaa, but they had closed early, so my thoughts on them will wait for another time.
We dithered and decided to walk until we saw somewhere (harder than you may think in Soho).
And there it was, like a big, blue, cakey beacon.

Yauatcha.

I've been wanting to go for a while, having heard of it whilst cheffing, but never had a chance. I think the girls saw this and we ventured in to have a look.

We asked to see a tea menu, sort of thinking that this might involve everything they offer, as they are a tea room as well as a dim sum restaurant.
We got to look at a tea list, and were told the desert menu was verbal, and roughly seven-ish pounds a portion.

We were shown to our seats, low affairs at smart minimalist tables. We were then each given a wine list. I know that the lady who seated us wasn't waiting on us, but some communication on their part wouldn't have gone amiss, as it led to bit of an awkward explanation of what we wanted.
The verbal menu of pattisserie was slightly fustrating, as there were about eight items, that we needed listing several times in order to choose.
Eventually we got there, and managed to order.

I believe that I have the best friends in the whole world. They know that when it comes to pudding I'm not really capable of sharing, but am happy to try others. It seems we're all quite suited to each other, I'll detail what we ordered;

Me: Pear and Almond Tart // Assam Tea First Flush
M : Chocolate and Passionfruit Cake // Jasmine Green Tea
B : Lemon Cheesecake // Four Seasons Blue Oolong Tea

B was the only one brave enough to pick a random (but reasonably priced!) tea to try. I was a wimp and stuck to what I knew I would like.
After ordering, M said she'd probably prefer the tart, and I agreed that I'd probably prefer the chocolate passionfruit cake...

So the tea came, in beautiful pots and the waitresses served a cup at the table.


Our cakes came soon after, beautifully presented. I seem to be failing as a food photographer, nerves got the better of me and the pictures I took were a bit crap.
Once food was suitably documented, we began the tasting and swapping.

The pear and almond tart came with chocolate icecream, and was very nice, if a little boring. M liked this the best so had that.


The lemon cheesecake came with watermelon sorbet, and a cool vanilla mousse with brandy snaps. Again, I found this a bit boring, but it suited B perfectly.


The passionfruit and chocolate cake came with wasabi icecream, and it was completely amazing. It was a layer of chocolate sponge, then a passionfruit jelly topped with milk chocolate mousse and a scattering of hazelnuts. This was destined for me.


All of the deserts were lovely, but I was hoping for a little more Japanese inspiration. And looking at their website I realised that if we'd been seated upstairs we would have been able to see the pastry chefs at work. But I suppose that I wouldn't have been much company.

The price reflected the fact that it's a michelin starred restaurant, though at around £13 a head it seemed very reasonable. The tea was on average £4, but the pots were enormous.

We'd all like to go back I think, we were watching people eat dim sum, and it looked incredible, but that may be beyond all of our means for a while, and I know I'd rather spend my money on cake.

Trees // Pulp

Libby left me with the worst of the cake trio to sample at my leisure yesterday afternoon. If you hadn't guessed already I got the one with green on top:


The cake is made of: Factory consistency, boring cupcake sponge; pink butter style icing, white chocolate chips, Green confectionary chrismas tree (1cm in thickness). This would be a fairly bog standard novelty cake, seasonal to boot, unortunately it has one serious downfall, one component is amiss, you guessed it, it's the green bit.

I hesitate to call it marshmallow but that's how the tree would be advertised if you brought it on its own. There's a sliding scale for the quality of marshmallowy confection and it's a steep one:

1. The cream of the crop: Homemade Marshmallow. James Martin said of this delicious stuff that you'll never go back to normal marshmallows again, he's almost right.
2. Packet marshmallows: the ones in supermarkets that are advertised as being "seductively soft" however they are primarily toasted around bonfires, or have their chewy monotonousness smothered by a dubious chocolate fountain, all seduction lost.
   
3. Flumps: machine uniform, 13 year old sugar rush fodder. Still palateable comfort food, often found at the seaside in cones bigger than most stomachs, good thing they compact.
   
4. Sugar coated Jelly Pop's: Do not compact, these were certainly popular last year filling many supermarket xmas shelves but I've not seen so many this year, possibly because after eating three you realise they're disgusting. Their texture is first grainy because of the sugar coating (coarse granulated sugar) which swiftly dissolves and you discover that the jelly pop is not a smooth jelly but slightly textured, almost mealy, it takes more than a glass of water before your mouth feels clean again. Then there's the taste, sweet of course but mainly: rank. They taste like nothing natural and you know you should be able to place the flavour, they're trying for flavour, unfortunately the thick coloring carries more aroma, like a cheap plastic panhandle that got too hot. If you eat too many you may get the sensation that there are chemical sores on your tongue.
   

This tree sweet was somewhere between 3. and 4. unfortunately for Candy Cakes the difference between the two is enormous. That is that Flumps are still paletable whereas the Jelly pops were a Christmas '08 phenomenon, they seemed like a good idea at the time, like investment banking, only this year everyone wants investment back!


I felt ill at the first nibble, soldiering on I finished the whole thing. I felt nauseous. It was so green, it tasted of green, it had the squashiness of mallow and the mealiness of a jelly pop. It had the same coarse sugar coating and was simply revolting. The sugar icing baubles were reminicient of gristle.

Unfortunately the problem goes deeper than this piece of evil confection, the cake structure shows the business model of this product, as Lib mentioned below there is no investment into the quality of the muffins and cakes. They are are not lovingly hand-crafted parcels of deliciousness, they're cheap, on trend, rubbish. The cake was acceptably moist but boring, the pink butter icing and so-so-so awful white choc was flavorless, the flavor of the disgusting one cm thick green thing had leeched into the pink icing which made it also revolting.

An otherwise boring cake has been made nauseating by this mistake of sugar and science. The second main function of food is to taste good, CandyCakes have skipped this stage and made cakes that LOOK good only. This sets a precident that I'm sure most of the other cakes live up to, made on the cheap to turn a profit. Unfortunately even the most fashionable cake eater couldnt stop themselves from turning green after eating this, but not as green as the tree, leave that shade to the scientists.