Some Kind of a Summer // David Cassidy

I received an interesting text message from Becci, while on the way to visit her. It contained the following picture;

And I thought '....dear god'

At the time Jonny and I were en route to Becci's to enjoy a relaxed evening of socialising nothingness. Jonny suggested I review the sandwich, which contains clotted cream, strawberry jam and strawberries.
Over the course of our journey we sort of came to the conclusion that it was similar to a cream tea, but wronger. I thought I would never get the chance to review it, as it's not something I would condone by purchasing.

But when we arrived at Becci & Chay's we were confronted by the sight of the end of this sandwich - saved for us to try. Chay justifies it in the video.

I went first.

I have said before that I don't really like eating cream. Clotted cream is a rare exception to this, I will enjoy it on a scone, as long as I don't get any 'top'. But I  especially don't like cream from Tesco.

Then Jonny had a go.

It was horrible. And I'm going to blame it's existance on Wimbledon Fortnight. Bastards.
First you make commuting through Wimbledon complete hell for two weeks ('Oh! Oh! The tennis! Did you see Pat Cash?! Oh what a dish. What's that? You like my Wimbledon Umbrella? Yes, yes, I bought it especially to hit commuters in the face with when we get back to the station, or just to stop them getting where they're trying to go, awfully good sport in a downpour.') then you create a fucking awful sandwich.

Lost // Korn

We have been listening to a lot of Radio 4. I suppose it's what comes from not having a television. I am obsessed with Book at Bedtime, though Jonny says I'm never awake for the end. I feel out of sorts if I miss one.

The other programme I rather enjoy is Woman's Hour. Recently we listened to a whole piece on Madeleines, when I realised I've never had one.

Madeleines are small, almond cakes which are baked in a special shell shaped mould. They are a French speciality, made famous by Proust.

So while touring Waitrose with Jonny during one of our weekly shops we spotted a bag of Bonne Maman Madeleines. I was allowed to buy them, Jonny was looking for an excuse to take some photos of my new tea set (more on this in a moment) and I was looking for an excuse to eat cake.

They were ok, a bit boring. We dunked them into our tea (probably not the done thing with a tea set as beautiful as this), which made them soggy. Jonny loved this. I'm not so sure. You got some extra cake at the end of your tea which isn't very nice.
I'd like to try some that aren't mass produced, and also make some of my own as I was given a beautiful mould a few years ago for a birthday, which was a lovely yet daunting gift. I guess hopefully I'll come back to this in the future.


Now for the important stuff! Look at my tea set! Look at it! See how beautiful it is. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I am the proud owner of the most beautiful tea set in the world. It's staggering how in love I can be with some plates.
Where Jonny and I have moved to has some incredible shops, one of which is an incredible vintage interiors shop (I've touched on my secret interior design passion in the past) and I can spend many hours (if allowed) browsing and touching and longing. It is called Nicholas and Steele. The first time I had a proper browse I stumbled on an amazing black tea set, and it was the first I'd laid eyes on that I actually needed. Nothing could match my desire for it.
Unfortunately it sold, but J had wandered in and left his number, and a few weeks later we got a text saying they'd sourced a better set!
This was a much more convenient time, I'd come into a little windfall that I didn't want to waste on nothing, and it allowed me to buy the set which includes 5 lots of delicate tea cups, saucers and cake plates, a milk jug and sugar bowl, and a matching cake stand.

It really is the best set I've ever seen, and I have seen an awful lot of them. It is black, and then it has bright pink big flowers on. I love it.

Fundamentally Loathsome // Marylin Manson

Last weekend I had a foody trip into London, followed by a Christmas Shop-About with Jonny.

I mooched around Borough Market with some like-minded (mulled wine drinking, pie eating, foody) friends. There was a woman selling un-iced 6 inch square Christmas cakes for £47.00!! It was boozy stodge, and not very nice. Anyway, I bought pies and cheese, then we went for lunch at Black and Blue.The burger I had was lovely, but the puddings were a bit meh. I had an icecream sundae, which I suppose you couldn't really go wrong with. Apparently the chocolate brownie was too floury. But I guess that you can't judge a steak restaraunt on its puddings.
After that we hopped in a cab to Knightsbridge and snagged us a table in the Harvey Nichols Champagne bar, and drank some incredible fizz. Amazing.

Then, a little worse for wear I met Jonny and we went and did our Christmas Liberty Trip. Oxford Street and Regents Street were closed for the turning on of the lights, and there was a really nice atmosphere everywhere. Aww.

I went to try on some shoes which I had spent a week lusting over, and they were heart-breakingly narrow. So I cried and Jonny had to take drastic action to cheer me up, the action was attempting to find a tube station and rush home for Strictly.

In hunting for the tube we stumbled across Cox, Cookies and Cake. I admit, I may not have gone in with an entirely open-mind. I'd read a few scathing reviews of the 'Adult' cake shop, a joint venture between Patrick Cox and Eric Lanlard. Yes, it's in Soho. Yes, it's all black and neon. Yes, the staff wear studded leather aprons. Yes, it's crap.

I couldn't see the cookies on entry, just rows and rows of ghastly cupcakes. I asked and the man serving looked at me like I was crazy and pointed out a whole one, thin row of cookies. He said they were all different, but this was clearly a lie, as he named four types, and there were about 9 in the row.

We bought a double chocolate chip one, and ate it on the bus home. Jonny said we could buy a pack of Tesco ones for £1 and photograph those. No one would be able to tell. And the Tesco ones would be better value for money. The Cox Cookies cost £2.50 each. Crazy.

Now the cupcakes. We opted for a Hazelnut and Chocolate one (torso cake) and a Chocolate and Raspberry one (skull cake). None of the cakes were actually labelled with their flavour, which for me, sums up the fact that this shop is entirely about image.

He put them in a box and thrust them towards us.I had to ask for a bag, and they were put into a clear shopping bag. Now, you'd think that this over-publicised shop would have put some thought into the fact that customers will have to travel with their slutty cakes, and therefore would design a bag, in keeping with their theme, that would allow safe transportation of the rude confection. 




Clearly not. That's what they looked like when we got home.

We shared the cakes with my family for a brunch-time snack. The hazelnut one was dry and the frosting was cream cheese which did not go. At all.
The chocolate and raspberry one was a little more moist, but that's because it had a filling of jam. I do not want a cupcake with jam in. Thank you. I can think of many ways to get raspberry into a chocolate cake without having to fill it with jam.

The toppers for the cake were inedible. The torse was made of white chocolate. It was untempered, so chewy and gritty and foul. The skull was made of dark chocolate, which though texturally ok, was very bitter, so I'm going to be mean and assume it's very cheap.

I won't be going back. It's a gimmick, and a very dissapointing gimmick. I did not feel edgy when buying sexed-up cupcakes. I just felt like I'd been conned. The cupcakes cost £4.00 each. £4.00!!!

Jonny also says that a cake shop should really consider it's clientele when choosing door size. It's outrageously skinny, we had to turn side-on to escape.

Walla Walla // Offspring

My brother - Glass Candle Grenades - has returned from his trip to America. He was full of stories and excitement and a large amount of endearing love for his new friends.

He cunningly managed to time his trip to miss my birthday, my Mum's birthday and my Dad's. Strangely enough, he returned in time for his own. He had been in touch and asked what we'd like him to bring back. Dad asked for duty-free rum and Mum wasn't sure what she wanted.

I asked for 'sweets, not chocolate.' I've tasted all the American chocolate I want to.

I got 1.3 kilos of Haribo Gold Bears.

I'm still ploughing through them, I can only eat a few at a time. The colours are incredible on them, so we had some photo fun, which was also an excuse to hunt through the family crockery.

I don't know if it's just me being a bit weird, or if I'm actually right, but I think they have a much higher gelatine content than British ones. Maybe a blind tasting is in order.

Hungry Heart // Bruce Springsteen

The Dessert Bar has opened at William Curley!! Well, it opened a little while back but monetary constraints meant we were forced to wait.
Then it was my birthday and it was the only thing I could think of that I actually wanted was a trip for some pudding action.
Turns out it was a complete treat day for me - we started off at the London Transport Museum! They have busses and tube trains and so much information about the transport! Serious swoon.

Libby loved driving the bus.

We arrived at William Curley to a lovely welcome after a little trip on a routemaster! Yay!! It was busy so we went and chilled out in the pretty square over the road. Then when it was time we headed in.


So when you go for the a la carte menu you get three courses of dessert! And it all gets made by a chef right in front of you, so you can see exactly what you're getting, and the work and skill that goes into it.
The first course is pre-dessert. The first was a moelleux-au-chocolat, with chocolate sauce, kinako bean ice cream and crystalised pistachios.
The ice cream is never something I would have picked out for myself, but it was lush. I loved it. I'll definately have it next time I go. The moelleux was beautiful - warm and gooey. It definately whet my appetite.


The next pre-dessert was the Pomme Granita. It consisted of a jelly made with agar agar. The texture was completely different to a gelatine jelly. It was melt-in-the-mouth and moreish. The next layer up was creme fraiche, followed by apple spaghetti and topped with the granita part.
It was so fresh and tangy. Jonny and I loved it and I could have eaten two. Or three.


Then the main part. There is a small back story behind my choice. When I worked in the Richmond store I was confronted every day by a picture in the shop of the Mille-Feuille. It wasn't being sold while I worked there, but a tiny version was included on the petit-four. Which I loved. And it was never enough. I have been longing for a full-sized one for almost two years. When we were asked what we'd like for the main there was no hesitation. I didn't even look at the other choices.
The mille feuille consists of layers of hazelnut and chocolate sponges, chocolate mousse, and a layer of praline biscuit and it came with muscavado ice cream and orange segments and orange sauce. Jonny had a bit more of a puzzle but opted for the Foret Noire.


There are no words for how happy I was with my mille feuille. The Foret Noir had white chocolate mousse, dark chocolate mousse, sponge and a kirsch syrup. It came with griottine cherries in a sauce and crystalised pistachios. He obviously has an unmanly and weak stomach and filled up and started finding his a bit rich. Wimp. His was boozy and incredible looking. It came in a cylinder of chocolate. I can't even fathom how it's made.


Then we had the petit fours. These were adorable mini pistachio macarons sandwiched together with a very dark chocolate ganache, and another adorable mini chocolate and yuzu financier, which is my favourite William Curley cake.


All this was washed down with hot chocolate and then home-made lemonade, which was just what you needed to balance out the sweetness.


I can't wait to go back. I suggested to Jonny that we should make it a weekly habit, but he wasn't so keen. Maybe once a month would be reasonable. It costs £15.00 per person. Which also leaves me a bit lost for words as the amount you get and the quality of the experience is just incredible.

Red Velvet // OutKast

I've long avoided writing this blog to avoid writing something libellous.
The main fault with libel laws is that at the end of the day the publisher is guilty until proven innocent. Or to put it another way; if i was going to call one of London's most successful bakers "morons who know nothing about cooking"
I would be forced by a court of law to prove that this was irrefutably the truth while, until I had done so, I would be expected to cough up the sum of damages to the "moronic" baker's reputation each time the words get published.

Ladies and gentlemen, In the delightful world of the Internet, every day is a new publication. As such the delightfully nick-named and over paid libel lawyers criticised weekly in Private-eye are able to open a new case and compensation claim every day. The one and great defence against the libel lawyers is the fact that you are telling the truth this makes a claim no longer libellous and simply a fact. I concede that probably a successful baking company does in fact know a bit about cooking and as establishers of a working and growing business are probably not moronic.

In conclusion, your honours, I would like to state that the humming-bird bakers are NOT morons who know nothing about cooking. In fact they are shrewd marketers who are bloody good at scamming their customers. So you get hyperbolic online reviews like these:

"incredible cup cakes Red Velvet is incredible if you fancy one BUY 2!!! Trust me on this…" said BigBruv from Cardiff


"This place never fail [sic] to deliver. It’s the best place to hang out with a mate or two on a saturday afternoon, having a slice of cake.
My favorite is the Red Velvet cake. They are delicious!"
comments beequin from London


"I have heard that the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow and Ewan McGregor come to buy cake here and I wouldn't be surprised!
They sell the most amazing cakes and cupcakes. The best are the red velvet cupcakes. This also comes in a full sized cake.
It is a sponge which is red, iced with the most delicious cream cheese icing I have ever tasted."

That's right dw27 from London it is a cake that is red.

Hold on.. what do you say? a cake that is red! ... you mean... NO! you don't say? someone has put red food colouring in a cake.
HOLD THE PHONE GUYS. Call the Times and hold the front page on the Wall Street Journal and while Murdoch's on the blower we'll get this in the Australian Sun.

Someone SOMEWHERE Has had the tenacity to put food colouring into some food!


I first encountered this scam about a year ago. Libby had reason to make some cupcakes to impress and she had heard of these great "Red Velvet" cupcakes.
Everyone said they were the best, "there must be some baking trick" she said. Some kind of secret ingredient..
I countered that this was silly and in fact they can't be that good chocolate cupcakes would be nicer. "But" our lovely lib said, "but everyone on the Internet says they're the best".."they cant just be ordinary cakes"

I gave in, there must be some trick I thought. Because, sometimes reluctantly, I usually trust Libby when it comes to cake.
She scoured one recipe book then purchased a new cupcake recipe book.
It didn't have a red-velvet recipe. She then forked out a bit more for the Humming-Bird Bakery recipe book. This book told her the secret. The trick. The hidden ingredient. The baker's special flick of the wrist that makes red velvet the top cupcake of the day.
It told her to make a cake and to put in to the mix some red food colouring.

I don't know why it's so disappointing but I just feel cheated. We eventually wound up in Portabello and got a black bottomed cupcake and a red-velvet. It was so red! It was like a cupcake had been slaughtered and bled onto another cupcake then covered
with frosting. Aesthetics aside the cupcake was under filled and over topped but that's ok as the cake (once you've had a swig of whisky to help you overcome the shock of it's cakey redness) is pretty dull and wouldn't hold up to close scrutiny if presented on its own. Cupcakes dry out quickly so it was our fault for carrying the cake all the way home from Portobello before tucking in; It was dry, but there should have been some flavour.
The icing is nice but if I want a cheesecake I'll buy a cheesecake thankyouverymuch.


As you may have gathered I have a general contempt of excessive food colouring. It's not big and it's not clever. Colouring foods unnecessarily was in its last throes when Fanny Craddock dyed hard boiled eggs blue in the 70's in an attempt to reinvigorate her image. Are you surprised that it was a total flop?

If you're still taken in by the red-velvet phenomenon, come to my house and I'll cook you a purple roast chicken and I hope you choke.

Brown Eyed Girl // Van Morrison

Jonny and I went to Portabello Road yesterday. I wanted a suitcase and a tea cup, Jonny wanted a flannel shirt. You tell me. Anyway. We both failed in our objectives. You'd be hard pushed to find a suitcase under two hundred pounds, and all the crockery was manky.
Jonny's ideal flannel shirt he'd already seen on a friend, so seeing as it had already been sold I think finding it for sale would be a challenge.

As soon as we got off the tube at Notting Hill Gate it was manic. Oh the crowds. And we were early! We walked from Notting Hill to Westbourne Park and it took forever. It was nicely broken up with stall browsing and a mandatory visit to the Hummingbird Bakery. They were queueing out the door when we arrived, but I was determined.

The service was remarkably brilliant, fast and polite. Though the people behind me obviously had no concept of personal space and kept crowding. Chill out people! There is enough cake for everyone! You will get your turn.

At first I ordered a slab of frosted brownie, a black bottomed cupcake and a carrot cupcake. But then a fresh tray of Red Velvet appeared so I changed my mind on the carrot. Jonny has requested to review the Red Velvet, so I'll leave that to him.


We sat outside on the curb to eat the brownie. God it was good. So close to the brownie perfection we seem to be on a never-ending mission for.
Jonny said 'The most important thing about a brownie that has been cooked wll is it makes you wonder ''has this been cooked?' '' which I suppose sums up his tastes. For me it's winning for it's use of whole hazelnuts and crisp top and gooey middle.

I'd bought a black bottomed cupcake to see what cake/cheesecake ratio it had, as I'm never sure if I've put too much or too little on when I bake them. I don't know if it was just this individual cupcake, but it was greatly lacking in cheesecake. The cream cheese frosting made up for it a little, but the cake was dry. And when I bake them I don't frost them, so this seemed really over-sweet.


I think I am arrogant enough to say that I much prefer the ones I make to the one I bought. Wow. I bake a Hummingbird cupcake better than they can.

All in all I feel like it was a little bit of a wasted trip. I had a great time mooching with Jonny. It was perfect in that respect. But I do wish we'd headed to Pimlico to try out the newly opened dessert bar at William Curley.
Soon though. Soon.

Chocolate Pope // Electric Six

I went to Longparish in Hampshire as part of an extended photography project. It’s a lovely place. A string of houses set along a very long road. Beyond the houses there are fields. Beyond the fields there are woods. It is in fact a beautiful place. The town follows the wiered and forded way of the river Test that splits hither and thither, flows along the sides of roads and under countless bridges and when you look closely trout keep pace with the water, facing upstream.

Just the place if you work in draw-bridge sales.

It’s an affluent area, the place to live if you can afford a car luxurious enough to take you comfortably and daily into and out of one of the nearby cities or even all the way into London. The two inns, the Cricketers and the Plough, are the only two down the long Longparish road and they compete for the pockets of the local residents who don’t want to cook of an evening at home and both insist proudly “weekend booking is essential”. They are sublime examples of the Gastro-Pub.

As my extended project is self funded I travel on rather a strict budget and on night one, had a strict supper of Pot-noodle, cup-a-soup, tea and digestive biscuits. Mmmmm.
Chicken and mushroom pot noodle was all that the little local Londis had. There was more selection in the cup-a-soups however they’ve recently rebranded themselves as “some annoying yet familiar and common, stressful -but not too stressful- event – a – soup” I eyed up tasty options but their slogans were just too annoying in the end I settled for “I Accidentally Taped Over The Wedding Video – a – soup” which is cup-a-soup for chicken and mushroom. When I had breakfast I could still taste the mushroominess of dinner the night before.

On night two, knowing that I had another pot noodle and more moron-a-soup sachets waiting next to the kettle in my B&B I went into the Cricketers Inn. I had had a good day and I had a sunburnt nose. The sun had shone bright on the trouted tributaries of the Test and in the cool of the evening, roe deer stepped out of the woodland to fill their bellies on the spring grass growing by the stubbly fields of wheat, barley and corn.


The Cricketers was busy and I had not reserved a table. There was high chatter and the bar was propped by the well fed and the well watered. It seemed no-one in Longparish wanted to cook on that Saturday. The food was expensive, the cheapest, a pub favourite, was cod and chips so I had that. With a pint. Came to £15 or thereabouts. That’s much more expensive than my local and very good fish and chip shop fish or my local bar’s beer. The fillet had bones in, the peas were tough and I had to ask for tartar sauce. I thought I would remedy this initial bad impression with an attempt at their homemade deserts menu.


I had the chocolate and amaretto pot topped with toasted flaked almonds. The top was covered with almonds at least two flakes thick and I resisted the temptation to stir them in and treat the whole thing like a crunch corner. The chocolate was smooth and sweet but had a Cadbury like ordinariness about it, there was a hint of amaretto masked by the whack of crunchy almonds on top. Why add amaretto? It makes the whole thing sound swankier. A trick also used in the considerably higher quality William Curley, ooh you say, sponge soaked in Kirsch, how swanky! It’s an unnecessary addition.


You could eat and eat and eat a thousand portions of the chocolate pot, but only because it lacked any real richness or sumptuousness. No exciting tang of raspberry hidden underneath, no strong sweet coffee to compliment the almond and chocolate, it was in fact little more than a crunch corner.

I had no chance to try The Plough Inn although I did have one sandwich there for lunch. It had the similar unsatisfactory ratio of cost to quality. They had napkins rolled and decoratively peaked in the wine glasses on one laid table. I expect it’s much the same.

Oliver's Army // Elvis Costello

I was taken for a fantastic supper last night by one of my beautiful friends. We went to Jamie's Italian in Kingston, which I've been to once before. I think when I went with Jonny fund guilt kicked in and we didn't have pudding. But last night I was practically forced into it. You can't get a better friend than one that'll make you eat pudding.
We shared a tuscan chocolate and hazelnut cake which came with poached fruits, and 3 scoops of icecream with a double helping of crushed cinder toffee on top. We had prune and armagnac, vanilla and third I can not remember - that could have had something to do with the wine.
The prune ice cream was lovely, and the honeycomb topping was perfect.
The tuscan chocolate and hazelnut cake was to die for, soft and warm and nutty, with a dark chocolate sauce.

I left feeling completely content and very full. I feel like I have a duty to go back and try the bakewell tart and the tiramisu.

Printer Jam // Mistabishi

I'm going to make a massive thing of this - I managed to go to Richmond without going into William Curley! I wanted to, but I resisted by running late for the show we were going to, and by the time that was done it was closed. It's a good thing because I am out of money and would have had to shamefully beg someone to buy me chocolate.

Anyway, I was in Richmond to see the lovely Becci's dance show. She'd entered a choreography competition, and her entry was incredible. She quite rightly won. As we were all quite hungry the four of us headed to Pizzeria Rustica for a carb fix. J left after a glass of wine leaving 3 of us to our pizza and pasta. None of us could have complained about this bit. It was lovely, I will reccomend it.

We decided pudding was necessary and ordered Banoffee Pie and Baileys and Coffee Cheesecake.
What a dissapointment. We were dished up fundamentally the same thing. A biscuit base topped with cream.

On mine, the cream had been flavoured with coffee and had some inedible coffee beans plonked on top and then drowned in straight Baileys. Cheesecake isn't ever just cream is it? Please let me know if I'm wrong.. but still, it was unsweetened and bitter and way too boozy. I would have prefered the Baileys to be actually in the cream.
I didn't finish it. I think that says it all, I can't remember the last time I didn't finish something.

On Becci's the cream was sort of bananary with a layer of toffee between the cream and the biscuit. This gave it a bit of sweetness and was a bit tastier, but still it wasn't mind blowing.

Definately go for the pizza though.

In other news I am cracking down on my diet in an attempt to make clothes fit for Whitby Goth Weekend at the end of April, but I did have a Feast today. I can't get enough of those at the moment.

Civilised // Pitchshifter

Will decided that it was time for my long-awaited Yumchaa reveiw, and we went for lunch yesterday.

We headed to the new Camden shop which is completely unnoticable unless you know where you're going.
We had a look at the range of teas and tried to order. There was only one woman serving. It was lunch-time. In Camden. It took a while, to say the least. None of the food was labelled, so she had to run off what the sandwiches were, despite there not being much choice. I don't want to dwell on the sandwiches, as thats not really my interest, but they were toasted beyond belief. And took forever. Mine went in first and came out last. I had to swap with Jonny as my teeth wouldn't have coped.
Anyway, we eventually got our tea in nice white pots with accompanying strainers and we found a seat.


The actual shop is beautiful. It's all mismatched furniture and rustic looking cottagey kitchen tables, paisley wallpaper, brick walls and a beautiful light feature with hundreds of different lamps. There are lots of tables but still plenty of space to move around.
It aims for cosy, welcoming tea shop. It fails. It's got no actual atmosphere. It's too quiet. The cakes are displayed on a counter top in cheap baking trays.
It attracts trendy businessy type people, it's more laptop friendly than come and slump for half an hour and enjoy tea. It's more come and look like you care about tea while doing work.
I know that Yumchaa have quite a large student customer base. Well, I assume this as they have deals aimed at getting students in to work, which is very nice.. but.. it makes it feel more like Starbucks.
It's trendy. Aimed at yummy mummies and art students and metrosexual business men.
Which is fine. I have no problem with any of those stereotypes. I lie, clearly.
But anyway, it's just not for me. My ideal tea shop is sofas and books and friendly relaxed service.

Let's move on to the important part of a tea shop, the tea!
The whole business is based on bastardised tea. They have good policies, loose leaf, tea pot, fair trade, good quality, but then they take this fantastic tea and add stuff. Dried fruit, flowers, spices, caramel, nuts and chocolate.
And it's not even stuff that compliments or enhances the natural flavour of the tea. It drowns it out. I think it destroys it.
If you want to drink something that tastes like dried flowers then just take some dried flowers and add boiling water. Please? Don't bring good tea into it.


They do sell the lovely tea unbastardised, I will add. And I will happily drink this. They have the tea leaves in little cups for smelling when you order so you can make an informed decision on what tea to have.
If you're lucky they will make it clear that you don't have to have fruity flowery spicy nutty chocolatey tea, but this varies from shop to shop in my experience.

And now for the cakes. There were about seven varieties to choose from. I picked a brownie (always a good indicator), a slab or rich looking chocolate cake, and a slice of lemon drizzle cake.

The brownie was good, a lovely texture, a bit too nutty, but nowhere near chocolatey enough. Still the best of the three.
The chocolate cake was dry, only saved by the icing. Still, ok I guess. It was edible.
The lemon drizzle cake was stale. Old, dry and (I thought it was) flavourless. Like they'd forgotten to drizzle it and then left it out on the side for four days.

Oh and when I ordered the cakes I was handed them on a tray. I requested forks and was pointed to the table of what I assumed was take-away cutlery. How wrong I was. We had to use wooden forks. Apparently this is sustainable.
But it's not. Metal cutlery is reusable... fair enough wooden for takeaway. Metal for eat in please! I used my teaspoon in protest.
There was also a lack of sugarpots, I had to use a little plastic sachet which automatically ruined the illusion of class and atmosphere of the entire shop by leaving torn up bits of paper left on the table.


My friends think I am overly fussy for not loving yumchaa. And I know that it is mostly my snobbishness that prevents me from liking it. But I can't help that! I have standards and I will not be tricked into believing that I am consuming tea in the epitome of civilisation.
There are better places to go. Sorry.

I only feel the need to apologise for not liking it as a lot of my friends enjoy this place, and I am massively outnumbered. But meh. It's the truth.

Pictures to follow, J is away on business.

Hippy Hippy Shake // The Swinging Blue Jeans

Today was the day for my Friday-Lunch-Time-Treat.
And due to the weather, it needed to be exceptionally filthy and disgusting.

So I went to Shakeaway.
Partly because it's the closest dirty treat to my work, and partly because I love it.
And honestly, honestly I meant to order a regular, but the word 'LAAARGE' just popped out my mouth and I couldn't really change my mind after that.
I was going to try and justify it on here, but a milky way milkshake is dispicable. How on earth can I harp on about Amedei, and then the next day confess to a love of mars chocolate blended with ice cream. I think I'm a hypocrite.

In fact, I know I'm a hypocrite, as I will happily shout at anyone who likes juice with bits in, or will mix something back together that has separated (wrong, wrong, wrong.. just throw it away and never buy it again), but the chewy lumps of nougat are fantastic.

But I'm happy. And while I know I will have a sugar rush and have to eat more once I have the inevitable dip, it's worth it.

Chocolate Salty Balls (P.S I Love You) // Chef

I've just been for a brief trip (again) to William Curley, and I was stupid enough to go without having a firm plan of what I wanted.
This meant I ended up having a hot chocolate, a bakewell tart and a milk chocolate rocher. Only so I could have time to ponder what I actually needed, of course.

Anyway, the one thing I can never resist, and christ knows how anyone else manages to resist it, is the sea salted caramel.
I can reel off a list of sea salty products;
A couture chocolate
Sea Salt Caramel Bar
Sea Salt Caramel Tart
Sea Salt Caramel Spread
Sea Salt Caramel Mou (coated in a thick, dark chocolate)
Sea Salt Caramel Mou (Just in a wrapper, so indulgently sticky and fun)
I even got to try a sea salt caramel eclair while working there... divine.

I heard that people put the spread on toast, in cakes, on brioche, in porridge, while I shamefully enjoy sneaky spoonfuls from the jar.

While it originally sounds like an odd and wrong thing, salt in something sweet, it's not. It's a match made in heaven. I have no idea whoever thought of it, but they are a genius. The salt brings out the flavour of the caramel, and cuts through the sweetness of the sugar.
And it's addictive. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Pictured is the sea salt caramel bar, an easy grab and go fix, for when picking out individual chocolates sometimes brings on feelings of guilt about how much money you could be spending, this bar gives you the option of not thinking.
A thick layer of beautifully dark Amedei chocolate to crunch through, and then you're at the liquid centre.

Go on, it's really not something to be missed.

Cherry, Cherry // Neil Diamond

Today was a trip to Kooks in Richmond for some necessary cupcake supplies. I have a large batch to make for the end of February, and as I have never made cupcakes before some practice runs would be wise.

Any trip to Richmond isn't complete without a trip to William Curley (I take no responsibility in the case of you looking at the online Boutique and spending a lot of money).
This shop is my heaven. I think that while I worked there I sampled everything that they made, and loved everything.
When I left I knew that I'd make an honest attempt at being their best customer. I've let myself down a little, as I have reverted back to my old ways of eating cheap chocolate, but if I had the money I'd know that William Curley chocolate would be all I ate.

I was pleased to see the one of the lovely chefs I had the pleasure of working with, and perhaps a little bit more pleased to see a new item of patisserie in the cabinet.
I was told that it was a cherry and praline entremet, and had been designed especially for an upcoming competition. Handily there were five, and we were en route to a lunch where there would be five of us.
So I excitedly snapped them up, along with a sea salted caramel bar and a white chocolate and raspberry bar, my Mum's favourite.

The entremets were dark chocolate mousse, cherry compote with a feuillatine and praline biscuit and a chocolate sponge, all finished with a perfect dark chocolate glaze,dark chocolate discs and a boozy griottine cherry, with a flake of real gold, just to remind you how decadent what you're about to eat is.


The balance of mousse and compote was perfect, though I wouldn't expect anything less really.. the praline biscuit was a perfect crisp contrast to the soft mousse and ugh it was just heaven.
Everyone agreed, and there were squabbles as we tried to steal each others.
OK, I admit that it was only me trying to steal Jonny's.

My only complaint about these divine desserts is that they were too small. They are slightly smaller than the normal portion size, but the price reflects that.
All the entremets are fantastically good value for money in fact, the amount of layers that each one has, and the time put into them to make them just right, the quality of the ingredients used.. you see I'm swooning just thinking about them.

I think these cherry ones are a guaranteed competition winner, and I hope that they make regular appearances in the patisserie cabinet. Though even if you can't get your hands on one of these all of the others are equally as delicious.

I think there are going to be a lot more posts on the shop that houses Britain's best chocolates...

Spit It Out // Slipknot

I take back anything good I may have said about Candy Cakes, and remove any chances I might have given them.
I had a moment of weakness when all I needed was cakey stodge. A nice muffin, a nice blueberry cheesecake muffin.
They didn't have one, but the man serving, still a bit bumbling and rubbish, pointed me in the direction of a raspberry and apple one.
They didn't have much variety, so I plumped for that one.

I can see now why I was pointed towards that one, it obviously needed selling, though why anyone would let produce like that be sold lord only knows.
It was heavy and solid and had none of the soft crumb that the blueberry cheesecake did. It was completely off and flavourless.
I suppose it would have been hard to tell, due to the obscene amount of icing on top, which had leached through to the top of the muffin, making it the best bit as it was slightly moist and edible, but I dread to think how long the cake had sat in that shop, and how many others were in a similar state.

They did have more stock, but that seemed to have replaced the variety of muffins, and it included macarons. Ugh. I can't even be bothered to write about the vanilla one I bought. They weren't interesting and they weren't amazing.

Hopefully the residents of Kingston will learn how lazy this shop is, and it will fail in a small amount of time. However the general appeal of brightly coloured humungous cakes might be too much for some people to resist.

Ice Ice Baby // Vanilla Ice

Hope everyone is enjoying the cold snap we're having.

I'm feeling cold and slow but generally content. I went clubbing last night and it was brilliant. Lots of lovely people and good music. I failed in my objective to not drink. The medication I'm on forbids alcohol, but after some experiments I know that I can drink a little, be fine whilst merry and then put up with a massive hangover the next day.

Which is what I'm doing now.

I met with J and he popped to the shop to buy sausages and I popped to Paul to buy macarons. I'm quite obsessed by them, having been introduced to them by the lovely chefs at William Curley. I plan to get my hands on some of their macarons as soon as I can. Until then, I'm forced to go to Paul when I need my fix.
I usually get the vanilla, as find the praline ones a bit boring, and it's too cold for chocolate as the ganache goes unpleasantly hard.



I love the almond biscuit, and I am always envious of the perfect shell and feet, and the gooey middle that merges delightfully with the vanilla buttercream.
They're a simple pleasure, and while eating I try to forget the fact that they are made in a large factory and shipped out.. there is nothing on the website that refers to how and where the food is made, which seems to be a common factor with these chains.
It does get to me that the staff are dressed like chefs, I don't think it is necessary, and it also tricks people into believing the quality of the food is higher than it actually is.


The presentation annoys me too. Some of the cakes they put out to sell are sub-standard and look messy.
For now it is a necessary evil, I'm just waiting for someone to open a patisserie, or even a macaron shop next door to my work. There are shops for sale and I can guarantee good business.

If you're interested in furthering your own love of macarons, I highly recommend the blog Mactweets, it's complete macaron porn. It explains macaron terms like feet and shell and is packed with fantastic ideas and gorgeous photos.

Turning Japanese // The Vapors

My cake playlist seems to be getting less and less about cake and more about tenuous links.

Anyway, apologies for being away so long, was concentrating on enjoying christmas and new year. All very successful and lovely in the end.

Yesterday was a much deserved trip for afternoon tea with two girlfriends.
We were heading to Yumchaa, but they had closed early, so my thoughts on them will wait for another time.
We dithered and decided to walk until we saw somewhere (harder than you may think in Soho).
And there it was, like a big, blue, cakey beacon.

Yauatcha.

I've been wanting to go for a while, having heard of it whilst cheffing, but never had a chance. I think the girls saw this and we ventured in to have a look.

We asked to see a tea menu, sort of thinking that this might involve everything they offer, as they are a tea room as well as a dim sum restaurant.
We got to look at a tea list, and were told the desert menu was verbal, and roughly seven-ish pounds a portion.

We were shown to our seats, low affairs at smart minimalist tables. We were then each given a wine list. I know that the lady who seated us wasn't waiting on us, but some communication on their part wouldn't have gone amiss, as it led to bit of an awkward explanation of what we wanted.
The verbal menu of pattisserie was slightly fustrating, as there were about eight items, that we needed listing several times in order to choose.
Eventually we got there, and managed to order.

I believe that I have the best friends in the whole world. They know that when it comes to pudding I'm not really capable of sharing, but am happy to try others. It seems we're all quite suited to each other, I'll detail what we ordered;

Me: Pear and Almond Tart // Assam Tea First Flush
M : Chocolate and Passionfruit Cake // Jasmine Green Tea
B : Lemon Cheesecake // Four Seasons Blue Oolong Tea

B was the only one brave enough to pick a random (but reasonably priced!) tea to try. I was a wimp and stuck to what I knew I would like.
After ordering, M said she'd probably prefer the tart, and I agreed that I'd probably prefer the chocolate passionfruit cake...

So the tea came, in beautiful pots and the waitresses served a cup at the table.


Our cakes came soon after, beautifully presented. I seem to be failing as a food photographer, nerves got the better of me and the pictures I took were a bit crap.
Once food was suitably documented, we began the tasting and swapping.

The pear and almond tart came with chocolate icecream, and was very nice, if a little boring. M liked this the best so had that.


The lemon cheesecake came with watermelon sorbet, and a cool vanilla mousse with brandy snaps. Again, I found this a bit boring, but it suited B perfectly.


The passionfruit and chocolate cake came with wasabi icecream, and it was completely amazing. It was a layer of chocolate sponge, then a passionfruit jelly topped with milk chocolate mousse and a scattering of hazelnuts. This was destined for me.


All of the deserts were lovely, but I was hoping for a little more Japanese inspiration. And looking at their website I realised that if we'd been seated upstairs we would have been able to see the pastry chefs at work. But I suppose that I wouldn't have been much company.

The price reflected the fact that it's a michelin starred restaurant, though at around £13 a head it seemed very reasonable. The tea was on average £4, but the pots were enormous.

We'd all like to go back I think, we were watching people eat dim sum, and it looked incredible, but that may be beyond all of our means for a while, and I know I'd rather spend my money on cake.

Trees // Pulp

Libby left me with the worst of the cake trio to sample at my leisure yesterday afternoon. If you hadn't guessed already I got the one with green on top:


The cake is made of: Factory consistency, boring cupcake sponge; pink butter style icing, white chocolate chips, Green confectionary chrismas tree (1cm in thickness). This would be a fairly bog standard novelty cake, seasonal to boot, unortunately it has one serious downfall, one component is amiss, you guessed it, it's the green bit.

I hesitate to call it marshmallow but that's how the tree would be advertised if you brought it on its own. There's a sliding scale for the quality of marshmallowy confection and it's a steep one:

1. The cream of the crop: Homemade Marshmallow. James Martin said of this delicious stuff that you'll never go back to normal marshmallows again, he's almost right.
2. Packet marshmallows: the ones in supermarkets that are advertised as being "seductively soft" however they are primarily toasted around bonfires, or have their chewy monotonousness smothered by a dubious chocolate fountain, all seduction lost.
   
3. Flumps: machine uniform, 13 year old sugar rush fodder. Still palateable comfort food, often found at the seaside in cones bigger than most stomachs, good thing they compact.
   
4. Sugar coated Jelly Pop's: Do not compact, these were certainly popular last year filling many supermarket xmas shelves but I've not seen so many this year, possibly because after eating three you realise they're disgusting. Their texture is first grainy because of the sugar coating (coarse granulated sugar) which swiftly dissolves and you discover that the jelly pop is not a smooth jelly but slightly textured, almost mealy, it takes more than a glass of water before your mouth feels clean again. Then there's the taste, sweet of course but mainly: rank. They taste like nothing natural and you know you should be able to place the flavour, they're trying for flavour, unfortunately the thick coloring carries more aroma, like a cheap plastic panhandle that got too hot. If you eat too many you may get the sensation that there are chemical sores on your tongue.
   

This tree sweet was somewhere between 3. and 4. unfortunately for Candy Cakes the difference between the two is enormous. That is that Flumps are still paletable whereas the Jelly pops were a Christmas '08 phenomenon, they seemed like a good idea at the time, like investment banking, only this year everyone wants investment back!


I felt ill at the first nibble, soldiering on I finished the whole thing. I felt nauseous. It was so green, it tasted of green, it had the squashiness of mallow and the mealiness of a jelly pop. It had the same coarse sugar coating and was simply revolting. The sugar icing baubles were reminicient of gristle.

Unfortunately the problem goes deeper than this piece of evil confection, the cake structure shows the business model of this product, as Lib mentioned below there is no investment into the quality of the muffins and cakes. They are are not lovingly hand-crafted parcels of deliciousness, they're cheap, on trend, rubbish. The cake was acceptably moist but boring, the pink butter icing and so-so-so awful white choc was flavorless, the flavor of the disgusting one cm thick green thing had leeched into the pink icing which made it also revolting.

An otherwise boring cake has been made nauseating by this mistake of sugar and science. The second main function of food is to taste good, CandyCakes have skipped this stage and made cakes that LOOK good only. This sets a precident that I'm sure most of the other cakes live up to, made on the cheap to turn a profit. Unfortunately even the most fashionable cake eater couldnt stop themselves from turning green after eating this, but not as green as the tree, leave that shade to the scientists.

Killing in the Name // Rage Against The Machine

Jonny told me yesterday that a new cupcake shop had opened in kingston. We've had a spat of openings over the past few months, but none very interesting. I'm interested to see how this new one does, as it's in a crap spot. The cafe that was there before did terribly.

I wandered down in my lunchbreak today, and was dissapointed to find that it's not anything new - but a chain. I'd been to the one in Kingly Court about a year ago.

Candy Cakes

So the new one in Kingston looks like everything a trendy cake shop should. All blues and pinks, cute little pouffes to perch on next to colourful little tables.
I went in.. and Killing in the Name was playing on the radio.
This made me laugh quite a bit, and I got odd looks from the staff at the counter.
I know that they just had a radio station on, and Rage was playing because of the Christmas number one chart battle.
Now, I'm all for some RATM, but in a cake shop? Maybe it's just a personal thing but I'd want the music to be as cute as the cakes.
The staff seemed a bit clueless, but I think the shop has only been open a few days, so for now we'll let that go.
I got three cakes, in the name of research. Unfortunately they could only tell me what one of them was.



I was dissapointed that they only wrapped them individually in plastic, not in a box like all the ones they had on display.



J and I split a blueberry cheesecake muffin, which had a lovely softness to it, and was crammed with blueberrys. There was a large splodge of sweet cream cheese in the middle. The only let down was the pink water icing. I know that muffins are never going to look that interesting unless you stick a whole sheet of shocking colour over the top, but the sweetness that it brought was just wrong. It just tasted like sugar. Jonny disagreed and said it doesn't really effect the overall taste.



After only half, I felt a bit sick. I had just had a big lunch though.
I can't really moan about the costs, these 3 came to £8.70, though looking at the receipt the pricing seems to be a bit random and we can't work out what cost what.
I'd hope that it's a reasonable cost, I can't seem to find any information about where or how they're made, and what with.
I've got the chocolatey looking nougat one in my bag for later and left the pink cupcake with a nasty looking Christmas tree on top for Jonny. If there are any further revelations we'll report back, but I doubt Candy Cakes will be replacing my usual lunch-time treats of macarons or percy pigs.